it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
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Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
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Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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