Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
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Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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