Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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