And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize