You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
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We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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