Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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