I think I won the penis lottery.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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