it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
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It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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