who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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