hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
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Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
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I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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