Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
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the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
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who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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