New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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