So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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