Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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