This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
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the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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