Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
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my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
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I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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