I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize