just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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