we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize