I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
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I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's rum buckets o'clock
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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