i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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