apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
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You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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