I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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