If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I want a musical about memes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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