i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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