His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
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it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
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I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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