All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
home. puking in laundry basket.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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