I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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