The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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