She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
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I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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