Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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