Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
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He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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