So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
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Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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