When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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