smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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