I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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