Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize