If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
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Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
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Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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