so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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