Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
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Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
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You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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