tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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