well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
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I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
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It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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