no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
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I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
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you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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