how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
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I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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