sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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