Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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