I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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