11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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