woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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