Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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